I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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