You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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