1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
