I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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