you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
