I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
