Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
