Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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