I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
