so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
