I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
