I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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