I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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