Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
