Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
