My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
