He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
