talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
