Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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