Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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