on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
