At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
