I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Say something about gay babies.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
