she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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