Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Two words: blizzard sex
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
