I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
