He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
