Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
