I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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