just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
