I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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