I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
