There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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