We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
