By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
