tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
