if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
