I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
