I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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