so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
