the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I need moral support for this bender
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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