So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
