I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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