kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I understand Curling. That high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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