i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Operation Purity has been aborted
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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