What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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