So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
