New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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