And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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