Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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