so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
